Thanksgiving

This ‘Before I die I want to’ sign is in Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, Canada, not far from the local library where we are now, reading and thinking and writing in our personal diaries and our blogs.

It made me think of this blog and the reasons why I’m thinking about deleting it altogether but I won’t, for the moment: This trip is not something I wanted to do before I die and this blog is a written testimony that this was not my idea, that this is not my adventure (yet). Everything that’s happening is thanks to my companion, I owe it all to him, and I can’t be thankful enough. There are no words to express the gratitude I feel these days.

I never wanted to do this trip. I was far too scared, particularly after reading that a Polish and a German were tortured, mutilated and murdered while they were cycling in Mexico. I didn’t want to leave Europe, as if it was a safe haven –blessed ignorance, that of mine. I didn’t want to die, and I preferred a dull, adventureless life on the setty, watching series.

I’m a coward, I’ve never denied it nor I’ve tried to lie to anyone. I’m now living a life I’d never imagined I’d dare to live and I’ll spend the rest of my days reconstructing my karma, if such a thing exists, rebuilding myself unless I fall in the trap again of losing myself.

I re-read this blog and the grey person I was depresses me. I want to delete it –I want to delete the me I was, but I’m sick of travellers’ blog where everything is thrill and adventure and overcoming one’s fears. They don’t suck less than my blog, only they’re easier to digest, I guess, because they’re less bitter and people prefer sweet accounts that may transport them away of their lives.

I was told in a women cyclists’ Facebook group that my blog truly sucks –who’d want to read my shit? And I admit I’m tempted to delete it all and I might eventually do it, when time is ripe.

For the moment I’m mainly writing on a private diary and I’m copying and pasting some paragraphs into this blog, in Spanish.

You can continue following us in English on http://www.pakette.org, where my hubby and love of my life publishes wonderful pictures and a less gloomy version of our travels.